i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
