I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
