I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
