she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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