I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize