Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
