all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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