i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
