i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
