I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
