I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
