You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
