her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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