I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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