I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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