there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
