u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my being single is dangerous.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
