I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
