I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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