There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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