no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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