I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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