we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
