do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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