i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
