I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize