Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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