this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
