is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
