I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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