I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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