remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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