she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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