Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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