her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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