I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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