I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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