just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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