Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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