I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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