Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
