I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
