Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
