That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
