we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
