You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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