Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So many bounce houses so little time
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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