bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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