1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
