Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
