i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
