she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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