you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
