The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
