so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
