His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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