dude i'm inner monologue high
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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