no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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