Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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