lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
