i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
