he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
