yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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