and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
