I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
