My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize