super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
