I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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