I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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