I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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