Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
