i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
